The Secret Diary of Jack Nowell’s Barnet #2

Hi there. Jack Nowell’s hair here again.

Have to say I really enjoyed my day out in Edinburgh.
For once I was quite pleased to hide inside Jack’s horrible yellow scrumcap - otherwise I’d have ended up all wet and muddy and smelling of garlic and my glorious magnificence would have been utterly ruined. And no one wants that, do they, especially my legions of fans.

As things turned out was I managed to stay dry and my radiant splendour was there for all to see at the end. Some say the crowd were cheering at the sight of the Calcutta Cup being raised. You and I know otherwise, don’t we?

Next up those pesky Irish and my long awaited meeting with Gordon D’Arcy’s beard…

Six Nations: Burning Issue of the Week #2

This week’s Burning Issue:

SCOTT JOHNSON:

International rugby coach? Court jester? Incompetent buffoon? Fiendishly clever con-artist?

You decide.

Sometimes a blog post just writes itself...

Twickenham, we have a problem

Encouraging win for England at Murrayfield. But if England are going to beat Ireland at HQ in a fortnight then Stuart Lancaster is going to have to tinker with his bench...

• Rob Webber in for Tom Youngs
• Davy Wilson (if fit) in for Henry Thomas
• George Ford in for Brad Barritt
• Anthony Watson in for Alex Goode

Six Nations 2014: Behind the Scenes at England Rugby #3

More guff and nonsense during the build up to another Six Nations weekend.

England enter The Matrix

It appears that the RFU and O2 are launching a “Wear the Rose” 360-degree virtual reality headset that recreates England rugby squad training experience.

According to the blurb the headset allows the wearer to participate in drills directed by Mike Catt and team talks from Chris Robshaw, as well feel what it is like to be tackled by Tom Youngs or receive a pass from Mike Brown.

Unfortunately the technology is unable to replicate what it feels like to be tackled by Alex Goode owing to a shortage of data.

Six Nations: SRU claim criticism of Murrayfield pitch is unfounded

The Secret Diary of Jack Nowell’s Barnet

Tuesday 4^th Feb 2014.

Hi. Jack Nowell’s hair here.

Back in training now after the disappointments of Saturday. Not only a defeat, but also stuck inside that awful yellow scrumcap all game.

I keep telling him: ‘What’s the point in having such a beautiful Barnet if you hide it away inside that yellow monstrosity?’

One thing’s for certain, I wouldn’t have let young Jack drop that kick off if I’d been freed from my sweaty incarceration.

I’m also damned sure he wouldn’t have cramped up towards the end of the match and that Fickou kid would just have been too intimidated by my magnificence to score that last gasp try.

It’s really the people of Paris I feel sorry for. Yes, their team won, but they must be devastated that they were denied the opportunity to feast their eyes on my splendour.

Still, I am currently flowing wild and free as we train at Pennyhill Park, doing my best to ignore the admiring glances I’m receiving from young Jack’s team mates and the coaching staff.

Next stop Edinburgh and an opportunity for those poor Scots to wonder at my majesty…

Six Nations: Burning Issue of the Week

Here's a new series of posts designed to provoke intellectually stimulating debate.

So, first up, the burning issue for this week is this:

Will JONNY MAY'S NOSE be fit to face Scotland?

And, more importantly, how does he smell?

(All together now)…BLOODY TERRIBLE!!! :)

And another thing...

The England camp appear to be bemoaning their failure to "close out the game" against France.

What on earth does "close out the game" mean?

From what I saw on Saturday it largely meant kicking the ball to the French - an interesting tactic given that they had spent the previous 30 minutes denying France possession.

Just saying.

The morning after...

Having slept on it I have come to the inescapable conclusion that England's defeat in Paris yesterday, narrow as it was, was almost entirely of their own making.

Not only were the first couple of French tries of the somewhat soft variety from a defensive perspective, having hauled themselves back into the game and established a winning position, England then promptly shot themselves in the foot.

Instead of continuing with the dynamic and direct ball-in-hand rugby that had seen them dominate the 3rd quarter, England appeared to switch to defensive mode, attempting to contain France and defend a 5 point lead - a ploy which ultimately failed.

The England cause also wasn't helped by the seemingly obligatory emptying of the bench. Yes, Ben Morgan and Tom Youngs made inroads into the French defence, but the control that England had exerted for previous 30 minutes was lost and the French were able to re-establish not only momentum but, crucially, self-belief.

The rest, as they say, is history - and I only hope that England learn from this.

Meanwhile, in Cardiff, Italy showed again that they are no longer pushovers in this tournament whilst Wales were very, very, ordinary. On this form there will be no third straight championship for the men in red - although having said that Wales were still several notches above their performance in the  opening fixture last year and we all know what happened then...

A question of experience

Much is being made of the inexperience of the England backline selected to take on France in Paris this afternoon.

With the likes of Luther Burrell and Jack Nowell making their debuts and with Johnny May and Billy Twelvetrees still in single figures as far as international caps are concerned, I'm sure the naysayers will be out in force should England lose.

'Too callow, too green, too young' will be the call, led no doubt from the sports pages of the Sunday Times.

Of course, what no one has an answer to is this: how on earth are players supposed to gain experience if they are not selected to play?

Just saying.

Six Nations: Six Clichés

1. You never know which French team will turn up.

2. Another braveheart performance from the Scots.

3.The Millennium Stadium – the cathedral of world rugby.

4. The physicality (is that really even a word?) of the Italian forwards.

5. An Ireland performance full of pride and passion.

6. Arrogant England.

Six Nations 2014: Behind the scenes at England Rugby #2

Pennyhill Park recreational facilities for England squad revealed:

TF 2014 Fantasy Challenge

It's time once more, dear readers, to dust off our powers of prediction and to select our combatants to represent us over the next 7 weeks as the forces of the Six Nations do battle.

In other words, time to click here and pick yourself a team for Fantasy 6 Nations.

And if you want to join me in the Total Flanker 2014 Challenge, purely for bragging rights of course, please enter PIN: 59735 once you've picked your team...

Six Nations 2014: Behind the Scenes at England Rugby

England tactics revealed

England boss Stuart Lancaster is said to be incandescent with fury at reports that his key tactic for England’s assault on this year’s Six Nations tournament has been leaked.

Reports emerged yesterday of England players being issued with ground-breaking “invisibility cloaks” developed secretly by England kit manufacturer, Canterbury.

The cloaks, which have been in development behind closed doors for nearly 12 months, are said to mask the England players both from their opponents and match officials and were set to make their debut appearance in Paris next week.

“It was felt that something had to be done following the disastrous defeat in Cardiff last year,” said our secret source at the RFU.

“We believe the cloaks offer us an edge. It’s all about 1% increments.

“We’ve checked, and there is nothing in the Laws that say a player must be visible.”