Up all night to get lucky #2

In Dublin's Fair City...

We’ve admittedly been a bit slow on the uptake this side of the Irish Sea following reports in Ireland of 2 Irish international rugby players allegedly involved in a threesome after a Dublin night out recently, the details of which emerged in all their glory via Facebook (#other social media sites are also available).

The mainline Irish press have been very coy about the identities of those involved, which is a tad strange given that it’s all over Twitter (#) and they've happily been reporting the players' recent movements.

Apparently one player has left the country in a bid to escape intense media coverage (i.e. he’s gone on holiday) whilst the other “has been spotted out shopping for clothes near Dublin and attending the races” (shock, horror).

Not wanting to get into a legal ballyhoo I've decided I'm not about to reveal the identity of the players involved. It could be any two of the below players who may or may not be standing (or indeed sitting) next to one another in the back row (or indeed the front).

However, here’s who it wasn’t.

Definitely not.  :)

Speaking of concussion...

... it was only a matter of time before the artist formerly known as Gavin Church was twatted by one of his Bath team mates.

Is this the world's most
punchable face?

The fact that he is alleged to have been knocked out cold by a punch from a yet un-named colleague (rumoured to be Carl Fearns - I couldn't possibly comment) during a night out at the Pig and Fiddle in Bath some 2 months before he has actually played for the club is pretty good even by Henson's spectacularly high standards.

Not that I'm rushing to judgement or anything...

In the clear...

It seems Chris Ashton will not suffer any disciplinary action, from either Saracens or England, following his nightclub altercation on Saturday night. Quite right too, given that on the face of it he was the victim of some have-a-go moron who attempted to headbutt and then glass him.

I do wonder, however, why the penny hasn’t dropped for many professional rugby players. I know this will sound incredibly old fogeyish, but it can hardly come as a surprise to learn that nightclubs on a Saturday night often = trouble. Take a look inside any A & E department on a Saturday night for ample evidence.

Staying out of trouble really isn’t that difficult.

Here we go again

It comes as no surprise to learn that the artist formerly known as Gavin Church is back in the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

Cardiff Blues have terminated his contract following his drunken antics aboard a flight home from Glasgow to Cardiff early Saturday morning. Getting pissed and chucking ice cubes around an aeroplane is, in itself, hardly a hanging offence. As one of an ever-growing series of drunken misdemeanors, however, it paints a pretty damning picture.

That the penny seems not to have dropped so far for the 30 year old mahogany Welsh centre suggests that it never will. The question is, will another team be desperate enough to take him on?

In the Daily Torygraph Brian Moore likens Henson’s career to a “Shakespearean tragedy”. I disagree - it's more like a good old British farce.

Oh dear

Whoever ends up in charge of England certainly has his work cut out. Not only are 2 members of the Elite Playing Squad – Dylan Hartley and Callum Clarke – facing long bans if found guilty of serious on-field offences, scrum half Danny Care is in trouble again.

Care has been arrested, questioned and bailed by West Yorkshire Police following an alleged sex assault on a woman in Leeds in the early hours of Sunday 4th March, having already accepted a police caution for being drunk and disorderly on the very same night following his arrest for urinating outside a hotel.

There must come a point where enough is enough, when it’s time to give up waiting for the penny to drop. Care must now be perilously close to being thrown out of The Last Chance Saloon.

Not Guilty - Good Evans

I see  Scotland's Max Evans was this week acquitted of assault, despite admitting having smashed some bloke in the face with a champagne glass in an Edinburgh nightclub.

It appears that old failsafe Stevie Gerrard-patented "I felt threatened so I twatted him in self defence" argument was once more accepted by a jury.

All well and good, but it does seem somewhat incongruous when looked at in the context of the Jake Weston case (below).

Another no brainer

England Carefree

Sometimes you just have to wonder.

Given the controversy (deserved or otherwise) surrounding the off-field behaviour of England players at the RWC and the fact that only three weeks earlier he had been arrested and fined for being drunk and disorderly, what on earth was Danny Care thinking when he decided to get behind the wheel on New Year’s Eve when twice over the legal limit?

Care's subsequent exclusion from the England squad by Stuart Lancaster is what might also be used to describe the player himself...

...a no-brainer.

On the slate

What's in the bottle Mike?

It turns out it's all been one giant misunderstanding.

Not only did the RFU sanction the England players' now infamous night out in Queenstown, the RFU also agreed to pick up the tab and re-invoice Mike Tindall £25k.

A source close to Mrs Tindall confirms that she fully understands that, as stand-in skipper, it was Mike's shout. It is believed that she is planning to auction off a couple of tiaras to cover the cost.

Balls

I see the good old press corps are wringing every last drop of sanctimonious condemnation out of the latest ‘misfortune’ to befall the English rugby team, namely the failed attempt to switch balls for a conversion attempt against Romania last week.

On a scale of 1-10 it’s a misdemeanour that barely registers a 0.5 but, nevertheless, accusations of “blatant cheating” have rained down on England’s management, alongside calls for England to be fined/ docked points/ sent home/ all of the above.

All of which conveniently ignores the fact that England have dealt with the matter in-house to the satisfaction of the RWC organisers. In any event, aren’t we forgetting that England didn’t actually manage to switch the balls as the referee prevented them from doing so (i.e. he was doing his job) and who is to say whether other teams have been doing the same? The fact that no one else has been caught doesn’t mean it hasn’t been happening.

What England are actually guilty of is of being more than a little dim. Given how the press have seized with undisguised glee on the likes of Bungee-gate, Dwarf-gate and Blonde-gate, and given that referees are clearly watching England like hawks for signs of indiscipline on the pitch, might it not have been sensible for England’s coaches to play things by the book?

What this incident has done is to throw a few more morsels into the press pack feeding frenzy. I do wonder what the reaction would have been had it been, say, New Zealand involved? Would the press have had quite such a field day?

Of course not. It is becoming increasingly obvious to England rugby fans that the press, and the English press in particular, have a barely disguised agenda. England are not blameless, clearly, but I wish the press would just wind in their collective necks and let the team get on with it, instead of seeking every opportunity to undermine the campaign. It's as if they are so desperate to be able to turn round and tell the world "I told you so" that they'll almost do anything to ensure that England failing at this tournament becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If I was in charge (oh, if only!) there would certainly now be a list of hacks I wouldn't allow anywhere near the England camp.

Here endeth the lesson. Ready for squeaky bum time against the Sweaties tomorrow.



PS - Incidentally, I agree with the consensus that the £5000 fine imposed on Alesana Tuilagi for wearing a branded mouthguard is ridiculously draconian, although comparing the sanction to England’s Ball-gate punishment, as many wise-arse commentators have attempted to do, isn’t particularly helpful. Had an England player been let off for a similar offence, or had Samoa been docked points for switching balls, then fair enough - but to use Tuilagi's misfortune as fodder for the argument that England are being let off lightly is yet another example of very lazy journalism.

Here endeth the lesson again. Really.