Ramblings of a mad man

"gabble, babble, gibber, jabber"

Amidst the not very helpful criticism being directed towards the England team by former coach Sir Clive Woodward, is a declaration that he is not in favour of England players wearing "high-visibility, multi-coloured boots."

If Sir Clive were still in charge all players would wear black footwear ... (I’m with you so far Clive)…except the back three who, apparently, should wear white (huh?)

Whereas my own reasons for banning coloured boots centre around the fact that they make the players look like dicks (FACT), Sir Clive believes that there is a scientific basis for his argument, namely that luminous boots are far more likely to be spotted in an offside position by the referee.

Furthermore, wingers and fullbacks should wear while boots, he says, so that the officials can’t spot them putting a foot on the touchline. Apparently the white detail on Mike Brown’s boots were a decisive factor against the Aussies at the weekend.

Taking things one stage further, Sir Clive also claims in his regular column in the Daily Fail that England should switch kit manufacturers to Madam Malkin's of Diagon Alley who can provide the England players with shirts made of the same material as previously used for Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak.